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    Dating your Partner AFTER Children

    Christy H., BSN, RN, Maternal Care Educator 10/24/2018

    Dating your significant other after having a baby can be hard. Let’s be honest, babies take up a lot of our time! We spend our days meeting every last need of our little ones, sometimes without even the thought of showering or brushing our own teeth. The thought of getting ready to go out for a date can seem daunting at times, but it is so important for our relationships.

    Why date when we see each other every day?
    Every day is filled with working towards a common goal—raising a well-adjusted, little human so that they can go out into the world and be successful, right? We pass by each other as we do our daily tasks, but do we really connect with each other? Finding the time to do this is critical to a relationship surviving the mundane. We need to take time out of our busy schedules to re-connect and remember why we fell in love to begin with. Making time should be intentional. Sometimes we just have to put the housework or laundry aside, knowing that it will always be there when you return. It’s not going anywhere, but if you neglect your relationship with your partner, you could see severe consequences in the long run.
    Also, remember, your relationship came first to this family and it will be the foundation for which your children grow and learn. Children need to see that their parents love each other and look forward to spending time alone together. I’ve always heard psychologists say that the most important role model in a child’s life is the parent of their same gender. If a little boy sees his daddy date his mommy, he’ll learn by his example and one day use these skills to cultivate healthy relationships. And for a little girl to see her mommy being wooed by her daddy, lifelong expectations will be embedded for how a man should treat a woman.

    What does dating look like after children?
    We all know that our life changes when we have a baby. There are many factors that could affect the landscape of your dating life. Finances are a common issue. With more mouths to feed, many parents’ financial situation changes after having children. I often hear moms say that they just don’t have time to work in a date night with all of their other obligations. I’ve been there! I get it! It takes a lot more planning to go on a date when you have to secure a babysitter, plan ahead for meals and then try to find something to do that fits into your budget. I’m promise you though, it’s worth it in the end!
    I’m not suggesting that you should get all dressed up and go out to a fancy dinner and movie like you may have done during the beginning phase of your relationship. If that sounds good to you, then by all means go for it. But dating after children doesn’t have to look like that at all. Try to think of activities that you used to like to do together and plan your date based on those activities. Sometimes even taking a picnic lunch or a morning walk could help you re-connect. Think outside the box and make it fun. You both deserve it, and your relationship will thank you!
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